Some people are immune to holiday stress. They’re frequently comfortable in their own skin, or maybe just more detached from the onslaught of holiday expectations. Perhaps they were raised in a fluid environment without guilt, so the holidays are a time of reunion and celebration without expectation. If these scenarios describe your experience, this post is not for you. This post is for everyone whose holidays take on elusive but tensely disproportionate meaning—everyone who feels anxious, expectant, shameful, even fearful. Here are three reasons the holidays can evoke uncomfortable feelings:
There may be secrets you keep—not literal or intentional secrets, but negative feelings and beliefs about yourself that have grown bigger and uglier over time. Along with these secrets comes great shame. What shameful beliefs do you hold about yourself? Where did they originate from?
When you were young and your relationship was new, your needs were relatively simple. The things that excited you about your partner were chemistry and the blissful feeling of reciprocity – you were in love and you were loved in return. It was intoxicating. You were validated both physically and emotionally. Especially when you’re young, or in a new relationship, these blissful, pure experiences can take the relationship a long way.
But as both you and the relationship get older, with your initial, simple set of needs already met by your partner, a new more sophisticated set naturally sprouts up.
You want him. You love him. He’s broken but you can fix him. You know you’re everything he needs. Not that you actually know that much about him. He’s there and then gone like a beautiful idea or taste. And every time you see him, you want him even more. He is your obsession.
The difference between obsession and the first stage of what could be love is reciprocity. Does he return your infatuation? Or are you doing most or all of the work while projecting your hopes, dreams and needs onto this “blank screen”? If you really don’t know him and he stays a mystery, he can be whatever you need him to be. He can be perfect.
Subscribe for Latest Blog Posts
Blog Post Categories
- Thank you, your wisdom is as always an encouragement.May 16, 2017 - 9:06 am by Connie Miller
- I have passed it along to my wife and several friends, and...March 12, 2017 - 2:06 am by Ed Felstein
- Thanks for asking, Ed - They adhere to the goldwater rule,...March 10, 2017 - 2:23 am by Suzanne Lachmann
- Very informative and extremely well written.March 9, 2017 - 4:44 am by Rick Platt