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As Long As You Don’t Know Him, He Can Be Perfect

You want him. You love him. He’s broken but you can fix him. You know you’re everything he needs. Not that you actually know that much about him. He’s there and then gone like a beautiful idea or taste. And every time you see him, you want him even more. He is your obsession.

The difference between obsession and the first stage of what could be love is reciprocity. Does he return your infatuation? Or are you doing most or all of the work while projecting your hopes, dreams and needs onto this “blank screen”? If you really don’t know him and he stays a mystery, he can be whatever you need him to be. He can be perfect.

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Breakup Joins Grief with Withdrawal: Here’s How To Move Beyond

A relationship can be a living, breathing entity that you and your partner co-create. A relationship can also be a literal chemical addiction. So, a breakup joins two of life’s most challenging experiences: paralyzing grief and the overwhelming physical and emotional withdrawal from an addiction.

When a breakup happens, it can feel like an opaque curtain has descended around you, separating you from the rest of the world. You move around as if in a bubble. Even the most familiar things—scenery near where you live, the voices of people you know—seem alien and far away. Even the brains of people grieving the end of a relationship look like the brains of people experiencing a death.

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