Does it seem like you’re in a cycle of rejection—like every relationship ends in being dumped? The cycle of rejection is ugly, painful and humbling. It decimates you self-esteem, and gives you ample opportunity to say to anyone who will listen, “See, I told you so: I am damaged goods, an unlovable loser.”
When we were young, we created many of the patterns that control our adult lives. This can be especially true of relationships – what did you learn to expect in your earliest relationships? Do you expect emotional reciprocity and respect? Or do you expect to be disrespected and rejected? As an adult, it can be hard to break these patterns of expectation.
One pattern I see frequently in my practice is that of patients who, now or when younger, used sex to try to pull an emotionally distant person closer. This tactic, of course, is not to be confused with the kind of sex that helps to bring you and your partner closer or sex that is relaxed and fun. Instead, we’re talking here about the kind of sex that is meant to close a perceived power gap – this person has emotional power over you, and you want very much to even the playing field.
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- I have passed it along to my wife and several friends, and...March 12, 2017 - 2:06 am by Ed Felstein
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- Very informative and extremely well written.March 9, 2017 - 4:44 am by Rick Platt
- Dr. Lachmann, You are probably already aware of this, but...March 8, 2017 - 5:14 am by Ed Felstein